UYL Podcast Ep. 9 – 7-Things Confident Women do Differently
Hello, Sassy Dames. This is Lisa back again with another installment of Unf#$k Your Life. And today’s topic is something that a lot of my clients have been working on lately. They want to know the characteristics of a confident woman. I’ve put this together. Seven things that confident women do differently because let’s face it.
All of you are confident. All of you are beautiful. All of you are gorgeous. It just takes letting go of some of the shit that we’ve been believing that we’ve been told that we decided was true for us about our looks about our weight, about our intelligence, about our job, about. How good we are in bed, even stay tuned.
I’ve got a great show coming up on that anyway. So seven things that confident women do differently, have you ever had those moments when you just didn’t want to clean up, you don’t want to brush your teeth or, you’re just feeling icky and maybe you didn’t comb your hair or wash your hair or something.
And a confident woman. She takes pride in her appearance. So it’s amazing how differently you feel. We do the simple little things that our parents tried to get us to do if you were like, my mom tried to guess too, when we were kids brushing our teeth, combing her hair and just. Taking a shower, bath, whatever it is, and enjoying it, taking pleasure in taking care of yourself.
It’s that self care? Another thing that’s really big about the self-care is what kind of thoughts are going through your head now, unless you are different than the 99.99% of people out there, including me. All the other coaches that I know all the clients that they have, and everybody who’s ever talked about this, the conversation in our head is not so great. 7 Things Confident Women Do Differently.
99.9% of the thoughts that we are thinking that we are seeing about ourselves, that we’re thinking about others, they’re just really shitty, crappy thoughts. There’s a lot of judgment. There’s a lot of condemnation. There’s a lot of, Oh God, I can’t believe she’s wearing that. Or gosh, she looks fat in that or God, if I could just do this, my life would get better.
Anybody ever had a thought like that? I got my hand raised because for a long time, that was how I lived my life when I was in my twenties and even in well into my thirties. That was certainly definitely Cod when I was a teenager. So anyway, it’s those thoughts that you are thinking, those thoughts that go through your mind and. Confident Women are wonderful.
When we talk about that with us or going through our mind, what are you feeding your mind? What are you feeding your brain? I was just reading a Stephen King’s that antibiotic? not autobiography. It was Stephen King’s book on writing is what it was about. I was curious because I’m a writer as well, and I wanted to read that.
And he was saying that he was fortunate to have grown up in a time where there wasn’t, they didn’t have television or they didn’t always have a television he read and he wrote from a very young age, he did this and how nice it was that he wasn’t constantly bombarding himself with that.
Great. Vast wasteland of television. And I have to tell you, I got a true confession here for years and years while I was raising my children, there was no TV in our house. We didn’t watch TV. We were every two weeks, we rented a couple of movies, one black and white and one in color. And we watched that and we had a movie night and all that kind of stuff, and we just didn’t watch TV.
And then somehow after my kids were grown and they were gone, I got lazy. See, and I started spending a lot of time and I don’t even want to talk about how much time watching TV. And then there was the whole Netflix things where G binge watch anybody know what I’m talking about when you could binge watch.
It’s not just a season, but like every show that was ever on for that particular show. And I did that with a lot of different shows. I’m not proud to admit it. And, one thing that I realized is I was reading, Stephen King’s book on writing was how books I had allowed myself to read, where once upon a time I probably read one or two books a week.
I got to the point where I was reading one or two books a year, maybe four on a really good year. I’m doing it up differently. What are you feeding? What are you feeding your brain? Cause even though sitcoms out there that make us laugh, there’s a lot of anger underneath them.
There’s a lot of. Making fun and, being critical and, saying all kinds of crap that, we’re taught as funny. And Hey, I’ve laughed at a lot of that too. It’s only as I was watching a show, I became aware of how much anger there is in them. And we really have to pay attention to what we’re feeding our mind, what we’re feeding our bodies and a confident woman.
She holds her head up high. I wish to just try that right now. Just hold your head up high. And as you hold your head up high, probably your shoulders go back a little bit. IRAK goes out more than a little bit. Your rack goes out more than a little bit and just feel how good it feels, how much your body likes it when your posture is straight or your heads held up high, and you might even notice that something seemed possible.
We hold so much shit in our bodies. I’m a lot of you already know this, I’m a coach. I am a healer. I work with a lot of people processing the shit out of their bodies and, changing our bodies, changing our posture, changing our stance, makes a lot of things shift. The very act of movement itself.
A confident woman holds her head up high. She puts her shoulders back. That is a trait of a confident woman. That is a trait that you have and that you embody. And then there’s this take charge attitude. There’s this whole take charge attitude from my entire life victim or not. I’ve always had to take charge attitude whenever something needed being done.
I was right there in the thick of it. helping out with whatever needed to be done or even making decisions. I even made decisions in the corporate job when I was low man on the totem pole and there would be like VPs in the room and, the decision was wrong. However, they were going back and forth for 20 minutes and something that didn’t mean diddly squat.
A wrong decision. Make the right decision possible. Don’t be afraid of getting it wrong, embrace making it wrong. Oh, my goodness. I made a career out of saying the wrong thing sometimes because when I was doing information gathering, it was the only way to elicit the correct information from my clients.
If you say something that sort of, nobody really says anything out. Or if you say something that’s really wrong, everybody’s Whoa, wait a minute. That’s not how it works. That fear of perfection, that fear of getting it wrong. It’s that tic church attitude wrong or not embrace doing it wrong and brace doing it badly.
What you fix it? It’s that easy. It really is so, what if fixed it? Maybe somebody else helps you fix it and don’t take it personally. Don’t take it personally. Don’t get down on yourself. Don’t beat yourself up. That’s not what she does. She’s okay. I did it wrong. Okay. I did it wrong. Okay. What’s the right way to do it.
Is that take charge? I can do it. I do it. That is the trait. That is probably one of the. Best traits of a highly confident woman as we were discussing seven of her traits here. Don’t be afraid of getting it wrong. You know what, their history is full of things that were wrong. So post-it notes. If you guys all know the story about post-it notes, so posted notes.
If you’ve used them, or if you use the knockoffs or whatnot, as they’re these fabulous things that, temporarily stick and you can use them just about everywhere. Everybody knows what a post-it note is. And, the guy that invented post-it notes, did you know that he was really trying to invent a super duper really tough, really sustaining glue?
Like something even stronger than gorilla glue is what he was trying to do. If you look at it, boy, did he make a Myspace boy? Was that a big fucking failure? however post-it notes genius, right guys, probably a billionaire several times over or at least twice the company he was working for is.
Don’t be afraid of those things that get it wrong. You know what I mean? We’ve all had those moments where we’ve said the wrong thing or we’ve done the wrong thing. And, I’ve had my share of, and several of my friends have too where they’ve been shamed and, they can’t show their face in public or something like that.
Bull fucking shit, be courageous, dare to do it wrong, dare to do it badly. And then. When you figure out that you didn’t die, you didn’t perish, you didn’t fall apart. And actually you made something else happen. I can’t even tell you what that does for your psyche. It is just the programming from that is just immense.
That good feeling thoughts from that the year I did it, the wow. Look, what I can do. Thoughts are just amazing. And don’t we want all of our little girls. To have that feeling. You beautiful one, you sassy Dame. Of course, you wanted for yourself too. You want it for yourself as well. Cause that’s the way that it goes.
You have a take charge, attitude, you clean up your body is. Just feeling good cause you’re scrubbed and you’re brushed and all that great stuff. You hold your head up high. You have that take-charge attitude. You’re courageous enough to be wrong and your worth. let me say that again. Know your worth because for a long time, I didn’t know my worth.
I didn’t believe that I had worth, I had lots of people saying, what a great person or whatnot that I was. However, I was keeping careful track of all the things that I had done wrong. I can remember the day that I felt at my lowest. And you probably goanna laugh about this because the day I felt at my lowest was actually the first day on a job.
I was working in a factory where I actually had the job that may made the most money up to that point in my life. And I was making $10 an hour and I had done so many other things beforehand where I was barely making minimum wage, which was less than five bucks at that time. And I had big responsibilities and everything else.
And I remember. that I had been a straight a student that I had gone to college, but didn’t finish. And now I was working at a factory I’m divorced. I got two little kids and they had to move in with my parents. I could go to college, finish this time and I didn’t know my worth. And then this amazing thing happened.
This, woman who was not necessarily a nice woman, she had a strong Viper tongue and she said to me, wow, Lisa, how great is your life? You’re going to school, you’re going to college. And I was like, all that rest of that story, about divorce failure, living with parents, all that kind of stuff, just went away because in that moment, when I felt at my lowest.
I also reached for something inside of me that I knew was happening. And let me tell you, I was very grateful for that job because every day in that factor, it made me bound and determined to finish college. The second time. Know your worth. And I don’t care if you are a factory worker, if you make donuts, you pick up dog poop.
If you sort recycling and care what your fucking job is, maybe you’re the CEO, S C F O some major company know your worth, know your value because you have, I have worth and you have value, and it’s not that you are a pile of shit or a pile of dung or something like that. You were fabulous. You were amazing.
Hold that fucking head, hold your fucking head up high. And. Be proud of who you are and what you do. Yeah. I know. It sounds like I’m preaching here. I’m on a soap box and it’s not what you do for a fucking living that determines who you are, a confident woman, she knows her worth. And your worth is you are a human being.
You have thoughts. You have a mind, you have maybe a family, you have friends, you have a job, or maybe you don’t have a job. Whatever it is, you are a person of intrinsic value. No that no, that be that sustain that through anything. And you know what, if there’s some things in your life that you not really, that you really don’t like then fucking change it, go to school, get a different job, move yourself halfway across the country.
I’ll tell you a story sometimes about my adventures, where I’ve lived halfway around the world and don’t think I didn’t have those. Oh shit. What the fuck did I do moments when I’m sitting there all by myself in a completely foreign, different country? Yeah. We’re not even the f#$king TV is in English.
Yes. That happened. I thought it was really cool to be watching the tour to France and French to a couple of days later when I realized there was nothing on in English and it’s Whoa, I felt really lonely and felt very lonely. Know your worth, you are more than the sum of your parts. You are not your job.
You are not your body size. You are not your shape. You are not being a mother, not being a mother, wanting to be a mother, wanting a better job being dumped on by your boss. my hobby has got a great job and I can’t tell you how many times he gets shit on and he knows his value and he lets go of what.
Doesn’t isn’t a match and this not always used to do this on your own. There’s lots of things that you can do. And I’m going to talk about one of those later on at the end of this broadcast. Know your worth and have some interests in, have some hobbies, a highly confident woman has interest in hobbies that are outside of her job that are outside of her children that are outside of her relationship, Book club.
There’s a great movie about book club right now, painting, doing art, playing cards, going for walks, going for hikes. And you know what? I’m meetup.com. You can find almost anything that you’d ever wanted, any kind of group that you ever, if you want it to be, do dancing. If you wanted to new macramé, if you wanted to learn to crochet, I don’t care what it is.
There is something out there. They’re at a price that you can afford regardless of what your budget is. There is a price out there that you can afford. There’s a class out there. There’s a group out there. There’s anything out there have an interest in hobbies, get together with other people, allow in new stuff, a new hobby, especially something that you do with your hands.
anything. That you do with your hands are heavily engaged. You don’t just have to be painting or, pissing and fixing things. use your hands, calligraphy, use your hands, get a hobby, get an interest. I don’t care how bizarre you think your interest is. I can remember going to a group.
because my ex-husband at the time, this was one of his friends where these guys like geeked out about trains kind of the way that Sheldon does that Sheldon Cooper and the big bang theory. These guys were real like geeked out on trays, back in the eighties. And they had picture after picture of trains and boxcars and different railway stations and all kinds of stuff.
And you know what I found their very enthusiasm and passion for their subject manner was enticing. I don’t care what your hobby is, what your passion is. And I feel like stamp collecting. I have an uncle who likes to collect coins and there’s only a couple kinds of coins that he likes to do. And that’s what he does.
Get an interest, get a hobby. That’s what you do. And guess what have you ever heard? a thing about baggage that all those men and back in my dating world, they didn’t want a woman with baggage. Holy fucking shit. Everybody’s got fucking baggage. Everybody’s got baggage now. Here’s the trick is we don’t take out our baggage and lay it out for TSA to insert.
Perfect and find some flaw with, we don’t describe everything that we’ve ever done wrong in our baggage. We don’t describe everything in my new detail, especially on a first fricking date, especially you don’t download everything in one fell swoop, you process through your stuff. We’ve all got baggage just because you’ve got some baggage doesn’t mean fucking shit.
It doesn’t, let go of that baggage. It’s heavy. You’ve been carrying it for far too fricking long, and it definitely weighs more than you’re allowed to carry on an airplane, stop paying for it. Quit paying for it with lost time, with depressing thoughts with, relationships that maybe you don’t get because you were too focused on something else, a confident woman, she knows her worth.
And she knows when. To process through the baggage. Cause we all also need help. It doesn’t mean we do it perfectly. You think that I behave perfectly with my baggage all the time? No, it’s a process. It’s a process that you’re working every single day. It’s a process that you’re working as a. As a coach, as a healer, I work with a lot of other coaches and healers, both with them working on me with me working on them because we’ve all got stuff.
We’ve all got stuff. Quit baring your baggage as a fucking badge of honor and quit using it as an excuse of why you can’t be who you really want to be, because you can have your cake. Yeah. And eat it too. And the seventh. Traits of a highly confident woman is gratitude and there’s just nothing new.
This is nothing that you haven’t heard before. This is gratitude. gratitude for every fucking thing in your life. And a lot of people have this mistaken belief. I had a client one time that we refused to be happy and grateful for her weight, because she was just convinced if she was happy and grateful for her weight at the weight that she was never going to let it go because it had to be hated.
It had to be a poured. It had to be go – no, this is not acceptable. And that fight. Isn’t what makes miracles happen in your life? That fight keeps it a fight. It keeps that it keeps the compromise. It keeps the fight. It keeps the story ongoing we’re as gratitude. Love us the way in and out. And gratitude is the highest form of love that there that you can show.
For yourself, for other people, for the things in your life, for your very body, for the fabric of your being it’s gratitude. We’re going to go over these again. The seven traits of the highly confident woman, seven things that she does differently. She cleans up, she brushes her teeth. She brushes her hair.
Her body is clean, her clothes look nice regardless of what you’re wearing. You feel good in your skin. She holds her head up high, throw your shoulders rack and throw out your rack. She has a take charge attitude. She’s not afraid of doing it wrong and doing it badly because anything can be corrected.
7 Things Confident Women Do Differently.
trust me and know your worth. Your worth is not your job. Your level of education. Whether you’re a mom, not a mom or anything else. No. Your worth, you are a human of intrinsic value, immense importance, number five, have interests and hobbies outside. maybe you want to do scrapbooking.
Maybe you want to create an art journal. Maybe you want to do an online blog, something, and don’t put your baggage out for everybody to see it. Everybody’s got baggage. We don’t need to have it on display for TSA to go through with a fine-tooth comb at all points in time. And number seven.
The greatest of all of these is gratitude. gratitude. Everybody talks about this. It’s nothing new. It’s nothing new. I’m Lisa and I’ve got, something for you along these lines, because one thing that a lot of my clients and a lot of women that I’ve talked to, even men, actually, these days all have this thing about emotional eating, how they feel the ties of emotional eating with their stress, or, things are good.